SMART PHONES AND TOILET PAPER--RUNNING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS

Was inspecting a roll of bathroom tissue (not during use, in case you're eating), and noticed a perceptible shrinkage. It's definitely narrower, reminding me of a thong strap

So, I tore off one of the perforated sheets and measured.

Surely enough, the sheet size that used to be a 4.5" square back in the days (I used to sell the stuff, no need to provide fact-checking link here) is now...

4.1" x 3.7"

Which leads to the question:

Has the human anatomy changed? From my personal observation, yes, but not for the lesser.  I mean, why are there now terms like, "getto-booty", "ba-DOONK-a-DOONK", and, of course "phatty-banger".

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Now, on the other hand, I've noticed that the size of the screen on the latest cell phones has increased. From less than 2", to now either 3.7" or 4.3".  And that doesn't take into account these new tablets (oops--calls can't be made on tablets, can they?)

Hence, the cell phone screen has out-sourced  out-sized a sheet of toilet paper.  Paper-makers, you're getting wiped out.

RAIN (NOT THE MUSICAL ABOUT THE BEATLES)

Wind-proof umbrella, where r u?

So,  a decade into the 21^st century, we have:

·         Cell-phones that can be used as a credit card

·         Get voice directions on a gps device

·         Watch television in our cars

·         Apps, Apps and more apps

·         Shoot a laser beam from a mile away and record a person’s blood pressure

But… we can’t make a wind-proof umbrella that fits inside my briefcase?

Yeah, I know, the golf-sized ones are windproof.

But I don’t feel like carrying around a spear—too much drama---poking people on the subway, not to mention the inclination to lose it somewhere…..

TO: HFCS. FROM: WHITE SUGAR. RE: THANKS

Dear High Fructose Corn Syrup:

Thanks for making me a rock star again.  Let me explain:

When William Dufty, the author of Sugar Blues, published his book in 1975, with the support of his wife, film star Gloria Swanson, you hurt me. Badly.

But now, you've put me back in the mainstream.  Products sweetened with me are now being promoted as healthful.  Where should we send the check?

CLASSIC MUSIC REVISTED--SINATRA-JOBIM

1967--British invasion taking up major radio airplay, Count Basie records an LP entirely of Beatles and James Bond music. Sinatra is recognizing the change to a certain extent, having Don Costa arrange Petula Clark songs (is this what drove Costa to start sniffing?).

But this is a GEM. He completely changed his style, not unlike when switching from Columbia to Capitol in the 50's. It just WORKS. Even Berlin's "Change Parners" is great. And, of course, arrangements by Claus Ogerman, who went on to arrange "This Masquerade" for George Benson a decade later. And Claus is still here as of this writing, working with Diana Krall.

The only downpoint: the LP times in under 40 mintues. But the remedy is to invest in the complete Jobim compilation, which includes "Desifinado"--was wondering for years how he would interpret it, heard the rumors it was recorded but sat in a vault for decades.

One last point: Bossa had been around for some years, covered by the great jazz artists (Stan Getz, for example), Quincy Jones covered it. Some bossa nova renditions got loud, disruptive and obnoxious as unknowns jumped on the bandwagon. This is what makes this recording so special, it plays to the subtle quality of bossa nova. Priceless and precious. Bravo.

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ISRAEL DRESNER--EYE-OPENING QUOTE

In this month's New Jersey Monthly, there's a profile of Rabbi Dresner, one of the original  freedom riders from the civil rights movement of the turbulent 1960's.

Besides this man's bravery, one quote really stood out.  He reminisced about his meetings with Dr. Martin Luther King.  He stated,"not all great people are nice privately. Many are arrogant.  Dr. King was never that way".

That got my attention.  Are most great public figures not so nice in private?  If so, what's the price on one's psyche to carry around a facade?  To have such incongruity and disparity between what one is projecting when it's at contradiction with one's inner feelings?  Is it virtually impossible to have the same private persona as public one because of undue pressure and expectation?

I'm still digesting this.  But I'm glad I can walk down the street in relative obscurity.

JACK LALANNE-R.I.P

January 24, 2011

Received word that Jack Lalanne passed away today at age 96.  Part of me has now passed, too.

As a pimply 13 year old, I remember stumbling along a book at the public library. It was entitled, "For Men Only" by Jack Lalanne. On the front jacket was a pic of a man almost 60 years old, coming out of a swimming pool, with coconut deltoids, horseshoe triceps, a barrel chest and a waistline you could wrap your one hand around. Talk about inspiration! I thought, "you really can turn back the biological clock".

I had known of Mr. Lalanne from his syndicated TV show, thinking of him as a gymnast,with that incredible V-shape from obliques-to-lats-to-shoulders, making him appear taller than his 5'6" frame, unaware of the super-human feats he had performed--1,023 push-ups in twenty minutes, swimming Alcatraz island while shackled. Joe Weider wrote of the voluminous amount of reps in his workouts. Arnold Schwarzenegger described how Jack would out-chin everyone at Muscle Beach in Venice.

Despite being decades his junior, I really thought he would outlive me.

What is more impressive than living 96 years, is that he was active up until the end. To quote an article from a doctor that appeared in the New York Times, "living to an old age isnt an attribute, living healthfully is".  You can't argue about his genetics, since his father succumbed to a heart attack around the age of fifty, he wrote in the aforementioned book.

Jack Lalanne-- a true pioneer--chiropractor, exercise inventor and physiologist, and one of the few celebrities who had congruity in his life. He set the example, so therefore he did not have to set the rules. He was 96 and left us too soon.

post-script---Jack was also one the first personal trainers, decades before it became a profession for the masses. Check out his attempt to personally "train" Uncle Fester (Jackie Coogan) on an hilarious episode of "The Adams Family"!

POST-SCRIPT 12-09-2011---I think of the most successful infomercial involving exercise machines or instructional courses--this would include TOTAL GYM, BOWFLEX, NORDITRAC, P90-X.  The inventors all owe a debt of gratitude to Jack Lalanne. His exercise show was the genesis of the fitness movement. And he started it when it was not only a virtual unknown, but taboo. There were all types of myths associated with exercise---getting muscle-bound, sterile.

In addition, Jack was a chiropractor. I can only wonder what it was like to have a practice in the 1930's. While the AMA's conspiracy to destroy chiropractic didn't come until the 1960's, they were still plotting, under the direction of Morris Fishbein, the editor of JAMA, who later testified under oath, he hadn't treated a single patient ever and failed basic anatomy courses in colleges.

So, with few exceptions, Jack was a one-man gang, a grassroots founder, taking on the medical establishment, putting himself out there, with not a whole lot of support, just the convictions of his beliefs and vision.

ANOTHER SALMONELLA SCARE (AND WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT)

Heard on the radio today about 150 lbs. of cilantro  being pulled off the shelves because of possible salmonella.

So, you're thinking, "I understand the inherent dangers with uncooked meat and eggs, but now, a leafy green is dangerous"?

Solution: all raw foods should be thoroughly washed, something that Gary Null has stressed on his radio show for years.

I've heard that in the armed forces, raw vegetables are washed in a solution of Clorox bleach (relax, it's a tbsp. of bleach per gallon of water, then thoroughly rinsed).  Alternatively, some use grapefruit seed extract (ten drops per gallon of water).  Be sure to soak for five minutes.